Thought

I'm often told that I come across as negative, even though I feel more indifferent than anything else.

Friends and colleagues have said I seem unapproachable, especially when I'm deeply focused on a task.

I was once described by peers as having a hypothetical “layer of something” over me.

I’ve realized that I sometimes appear angry simply because I’m lost in thought, often due to the nature of what I'm thinking about. It’s either that or my face must’ve been exhausted from a back-to-back day.

When I'm intensely focused, I tend to dislike the meaningless social chatter around me at the office, which makes me subconsciously project a "do not disturb" vibe.

These recurring comments have made me wonder if I might be lacking in empathy during social interactions. How have others experiencing similar situations been managing this?

Scoop

It’s a common scenario—being perceived as negative when you're actually feeling quite neutral.

This misinterpretation can stem from various factors, including body language, tone of voice, and choice of words. Or it could be pointing to something on a subconscious level that you are not fully aware of.

Let’s take a step back and explore the core of this issue.

First, indifference in social interactions can often be misread as negativity because of the absence of enthusiasm or warmth. When you’re indifferent, you’re essentially neutral, but others might interpret your lack of emotional expression as disapproval or pessimism.

This miscommunication can lead to friction in personal and professional relationships.

Recognizing the Roots of Indifference

Indifference, also known as apathy, can be caused by various factors, including psychological and environmental influences.

It might stem from stress, trauma, mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, or just plain simple (100% healthy) disinterest​.

Understanding these roots is crucial in addressing how your behaviour is perceived.

I’ve been told and tried to convince myself too many times to “fake it till you make it.” If you pay my bills, I get it, but if you don’t, why am I obligated to provide a facial expression to your satisfaction? I’m still, at times, stuck in that “inconsiderate” loop.

Bridging the Empathy Gap

To counter the perception of negativity, try practicing "active neutrality." Engage in conversations with a conscious effort to be present and responsive without necessarily injecting enthusiasm.

Using phrases like “I understand” or “That’s interesting” can show you’re attentive and respectful of the other person’s feelings​.

Reflective listening is another powerful tool. Summarising what the other person has said and reflecting it back shows you’re paying attention and value their perspective.

When I’m lazy or feel the need to be extra cautious, I just repeat what they say. I know this seem silly, but it works far better than it sounds, and it goes like this:

This can help bridge the empathy gap without forcing you to feign emotions you don't genuinely feel.

Strategies to Enhance Emotional Awareness

Improving emotional intelligence can significantly help in making your interactions more empathetic. Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and self-reflection can increase your awareness of your own emotions and how they affect others​​.

Practical Steps

1. Self-Reflection: Regularly take time to reflect on your emotions and how they influence your behaviour.

I found journaling particularly helpful—a lot of my “Oh, I get why [somebody] was so upset now” moments came from this. “Regularly” is key here.

2. Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices to stay present and aware during interactions. Deep breathing exercises and mindfulness meditation are effective tools.

3. Communication Skills: Develop your communication skills by being clear and explicit about your thoughts and feelings. This reduces the likelihood of being misunderstood.

When I first started putting this into practice, I was surprised by how surprised people could get (pun intended). Some refused to believe that was indeed how I felt, others were convinced that I purposely ignore, and couldn’t believe that I did not comprehend the reason for their heightened emotions.

After sticking with these for a dedicated period, I was able to feel the pain of others in short bursts, but it was touch-and-go. It is important to be realistic about how far this can take you.

It might give you a glimpse of the other side, but changing the essence of who you are and how you perceive the world will take so much more—to which I’d ask, why do we need to change who we are anyway?

Addressing Misinterpretations

If you often feel misunderstood, remember that this can be due to differences in perception and individual experiences. It’s essential to manage these differences by recognizing that others might interpret your actions based on their mindset. Ask clarifying questions and provide clear explanations to mitigate misunderstandings.

However, if all else fails, focus on

1. accepting the situation,

2. regulating your emotions, and

3. moving on.

Understanding that not every interaction or relationship will be perfect can help you maintain your emotional well-being and improve future communication.

Last Word

Embracing empathy doesn't mean you have to change who you are fundamentally. It's about finding that balance where your natural indifference doesn’t overshadow the respect and attention others need from you.

Small adjustments can lead to significant improvements in your social interactions.

+1% each day

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