Office Oddballs and 5 Tips to Swing Them

Thought

I recently had a conversation with a trusted friend and colleague from a different team that shed light on some common observations about workplace dynamics.

She has been lunching frequently with a colleague from another department who is about to retire. When my colleague first started working at the company a decade ago, she found this person difficult to deal with due to her default "tone" on the phone—passive-aggressive and as though nothing was her business.

Over time, she discovered that this colleague was the only one picking up everyone's slack in the department and simply didn't have the time to babysit those beyond her immediate responsibility circle.

A few other “difficult” characters immediately sprang to mind that fit a similar profile. We shared a few names, agreed that they continued to challenge the world with the way they talk, and had a good laugh.

We both became good friends with a number of these tricky characters through the years as we realized we shared common ground—we care deeply and are frustrated with those who waste our precious time.

This made me think about how we often perceive others in our daily interactions based on our presumptions. We expect everyone to communicate in a certain way, and when they don't, we find them repulsive and hold a grudge, which makes our own lives so much harder.

How can we better understand and navigate these tough characters we come across?

Scoop

Navigating interactions with colleagues who may come across as difficult can be challenging. Our initial perceptions are often shaped by our own expectations and biases. Here are some strategies to help you better understand and work with these individuals:

1. Recognize the Bias in Perception

We all have preconceived notions about how people should communicate in certain settings. When someone deviates from this norm, it throws us off, makes us feel uncomfortable, and we may view them negatively.

Understanding that your perception is just one side of the story is the first step in overcoming these biases. People, especially those with whom you need to collaborate frequently, deserve more than the seven seconds of first impression we give them.

2. Understand the Underlying Causes

Often, what we perceive as a difficult demeanor is a result of underlying pressures and responsibilities. The colleague mentioned in the thought section wasn't disinterested; she was overwhelmed with the workload. Her “attitude” was her way of coping.

Similarly, your boss is probably not ignoring your proposal. Your work is your responsibility, and you already have it covered; she, on the other hand, has things on her plate that are her priority and her responsibility to cover.

Do you have the complete picture?

Did you cause the defensiveness in others or is that simply the way they are?

By acknowledging that there may be factors beyond what we see, we can foster empathy and help us not take things personally.

3. Communicate Openly

Instead of holding a grudge, try to communicate openly with the person. Ask them about their workload, their challenges, and how you can support them.

When awkwardness is in the air, consider addressing it directly. It will either dissolve quickly, or if not, you will likely find out exactly why it was awkward and be able to work on getting it out of the way.

This can lead to a better understanding and a more collaborative working relationship.

4. Practice Patience and Flexibility

Adjust your expectations and be patient. Not everyone will communicate or behave in the way you expect, and that's okay.

Being flexible and accommodating different styles can reduce unnecessary tension.

Being a logical nerd, it took me a long time to learn that not having a quantifiable outcome after a conversation is also a perfectly fine outcome. Expectations could be aligned, emotions get checked, all paving the way for better future interactions.

5. Reflect on Your Reactions

Take time to reflect on why certain behaviors trigger a negative response in you. Is it because of a past experience, or is it a cultural difference?

Understanding your own reactions can help you manage them better.

We all get those emails where people’s quick summary are basically an exact duplicate of what you said, the same “As per our discussion…” start of an email sounds that much worse when it comes from that certain somebody.

1. Before you hit send after drafting that perfect come back, pause, give it at least an hour.

2. Or if you haven’t gotten that far yet, think how you could start off your reply with a “thank you”; thank them for their effort to get everybody on the same page, thank them for elaborating on areas which may not be clear. This will set a much better tone than the cuss in your head.

Last Word

Navigating tough nuts in the workplace requires 90% patience, and a combined 10% of understanding and willingness to look beyond the surface. Let’s learn a thing or two while we’re at it.

+1% each day